Heartache

This morning, as the sun is dressed in a magnificent robe constructed from the smoke of over 100 homes burnt, three or more human lives lost, countless trees and animals lost that do not make headlines for their seeming insignificance, I feel heartache.

My beloved is not walking the beach beside me, gone for a weekend. I sit in the question of separation and its truth or illusion.

Are we truly separate? Me from my beloved, and me from the trees and animals that have perished in the unprecedented fires. 

I feel grief. Their loss is my loss. Their death kills something inside me.

I long to melt into the sand and cry..cry for the Earth we have so seriously raped and pillaged, and continue to do so in the name of some false God that only feeds our insatiable hunger temporarily, a sugary drink against our longing for clean, fresh, uncontaminated water. And real human and Earth connection.

A longing that we feel but have forgotten how to fulfil. A longing that results in the catastrophe of poverty…poverty of access, poverty of meaning, poverty of reverence, poverty of the sacred, poverty of the experience of beauty.

Poverty that leaves us seeking its fulfilment in the excess of our current world. Accumulation of money and things…of sex. Addiction to gambling and medication in its many guises. And, when they do not satisfy, an early exit through suicide.

How we so easily get caught in the sweep of progress, in the demand to sell our Souls for a false promise. How easy it is for me, a veteran of non-conformity and living in the question of how to not do this…to get caught in the spell of doing exactly that which I am seeking to reach escape velocity from.

Perhaps in the end, the hours spent with my beloved, laughing and loving, walking the beach, surfing the waves, are a greater contribution to the future well-being of our glorious, precious Earth than I could possibly imagine. 

Perhaps the requirement is to untangle from the cultural story we do not even know has infiltrated into our bones. The story of lack and separation and the need to measure everything in order to qualify its existence.

Tell me how to qualify the existence of beauty or grief. Is our existence to be reduced to the quantifiable? 

I feel grief that this is even a question. I feel the violation to my Soul that we might seek to do this at all. 

Perhaps we are not separate, even when distance is real. Perhaps, like quantum entanglement and the morphogenetic field, we are all one. The trees, the grass, the rocks, my beloved, you, me….

My Heartache is for what we have done. I turn again, towards a different story, a different future. 

Later today, I will feel the hand of my beloved in mine and know that when we meet in the field of love, care, compassion, and beauty… the field itself breathes cleansing air towards a future that is love, care, compassion, beauty and omni-connection.

Let us love wholeheartedly, and comprehensively.. Earth and ALL her creatures.

November 10th 2019

Photo taken November 10th, 2019