How do you deal with narcissists

I was asked the question during the Dare to Care workshop, class #1, how do you deal with narcissists?

Ideally, if you have a choice, you deal with narcissists by removing them from your life. In other words, you do not engage with them at all.

If this is not an option, then know the territory of the narcissist. Learn about this type of behaviour, how it expresses. Understand the field. There are consistent patterns to narcissism, just as there are consistent patterns to gaslighters, snake oil salesmen and women and spell casters. 

Then learn the nuance of your particular narcissist. Their particularities of expression. Also know where your weak spots are, the places a narcissist will target to diminish your power. 

Now we know the field of play, create a set of parameters and boundaries for yourself. These parameters are not flexible. They are non-negotiable. Inviolate. You must hold them as such, and know exactly what the consequences are if they are violated.

Get support to hold these boundaries firm. Be held to account by those who may have more strength in that moment than you.

Narcissists thrive because we let them. Gaslighters thrive because we let them. Their expression in the world is likely to be a defence needed as child to survive in a narcissistic family. They may not know another language of action.

Remove the platform for the narcissists expression. Demonstrate another way. 

They may not learn. Yet in your world they will not be allowed to get away with their narcissism. 

Photo Taken April 3rd 2024