I carry your heart with me

As I write these words my love is having surgery on his heart. 

I wanted to write about his heart. This beautiful heart of his that will be beating now by machine.

How his heart is kindness and love. 

Raised by a single mother, Tony stands with strong, feisty women like me to hold me up as we are often cut down by others unfamiliar with the power of a mother to protect and provide. The significance of his ability to stand by my side and be in partnership in everything is what makes me able to do more than I have ever contemplated before.

This heart of his feels for others first. He found himself a single father at age 22, taking on responsibilities that most would deflect or reject.

Raised by a single mother and a single father at age 22, he saw me, a single mother for most of my life, and did not flinch at my rough edges and defensiveness. He allowed me to be wholely myself, never intimidated by my razor mind. 

Steady. My rock.  

I have watched him work with people, the young and the not-so-young, with such dignity, giving them a platform to extend themselves if they choose. 

I have seen him give women long trodded down by invisibility, a place to shine.

His heart, oh his heart. Someone is holding his heart in their hands, repairing it. I must trust this stranger to hold it with love and tenderness. For the repairs to be made. 

I must trust that his heart will beat again, on its own, and continue to do so for many years.

I have loved this poem by e.e.cummings for a long time. I will close my morning prayer with this, for Tony.

i carry your heart with me


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Photo Taken August 9th 2023