Progressing conversations

Human relational dynamics are complex, not complicated. Complex is not a straight line, a slice-and-dice approach. 

Complex requires step by step. The conversation and relationship emerge from the full understanding of each position and worldview.

When we are dealing with broken relationships where there is a collective will to reach a resolution, the process goes like this.

State a position, decision or belief. 

The other party clarifies full understanding of this position, decision or belief.

Only when it is understood, and experienced by the person who spoke of their position, do we take the next step. Understanding is not agreement. We can understand and disagree. 

But to refuse to seek to understand is a form of dominating power. In our refusal, we are communicating that we have no interest in the other’s worldview or position. We are only interested in imposing our position.

More often, we make an assumption about our understanding or overlay our wants and needs onto the position, decision or belief. We colour it, as would be natural, with our worldview, instead of being genuinely curious as to the worldview of the person we are seeking to partner with.

This is a slow and steady process. It edifies each person speaking. 

When we try to twist someone’s words to fit our agenda, we simultaneously reduce the other’s significance, nullifying the possibility of a collective synergistic response. Again, this is a form of domination.

Progressing conversations when the stakes are high requires thoughtful, intentional, step-by-step weaving, where understanding each other at each moment is key. 

Photo Taken November 7th  2023