The Vital Conversations You’re Not Having

The cost of not having that conversation – the conversation you most want or need to have.

We have several primary conversations.

The conversation with our future. This is where we find meaning, purpose and a sense of direction.

The conversation with our work in the world. Are we seeking to be a fish that climbs trees? Something other than we are? Do we even know who we are? How are we expressing who we are? Does our work in the world enable this expression? If our work does not support our expression, can we find it through hobbies and play?

The conversation with our lover, partner, friends and family. Are the conversations with those who matter most to us open, vulnerable and free of charge? Or is there a chasm of the unspoken? How do we attend to these conversations as a matter of priority?

The conversation with ourselves. This is the conversation that forms the foundation of all other conversations.

When we lose the conversation with ourselves, we are lost. 

There are consequences for not having or procrastinating about conversations that need to be had.

Almost all relational breakdowns begin with the moment we are silent and do not speak the words that ask to be expressed. That first silence is the first Little Atrocity.

For example: (Note all these examples apply to the conversation with yourself.)

*The longer you delay, the bigger the issue becomes, and the more likely the conversation, when had, will be explosive. I have seen the unspoken be carried for decades. Imagine living decades with the weight of not speaking up as part of your everyday life.

*The energetic stagnation of blocking the flow of words and keeping them trapped inside will poison your body, just as a blocked river becomes toxic. This may result in physical symptoms, insomnia, and general blocked life flow.

*You are harming the other person. They do not get the whole of you. They get the part of you that is ‘sort of’ functioning and the part that needs to have the conversation. This part is very toxic. The relationship will continue to become more toxic for both parties.

*This is your life. Is this how you want to live? Where the Chasm of the Unspoken is so significant?

*You think you might be doing the best for the other, or your tribe, by not having the conversation, but more often than not, you are doing more harm. They, too, might be suffering. They will suffer from your continued silence and the unsaid living like a giant black hole in your relationship. No one wins.

*Your self-esteem goes down. You find yourself in an endless cycle of wanting to have the conversation and then creating excuses for why you do not. Result – you do not trust yourself. Or respect yourself. You berate yourself for being gutless. The cycle continues.

*Did I say no one wins?

*You will master delay and excuses, and each excuse will keep you operating at half of your potential. At some stage, you may even believe your own stories.

*You can never be fully alive when you have the weight of unspoken words contaminating your being. Ughh! Never fully alive! Why live like that?

*You are declaring to the Universe that you are not worthy of living a whole life where you carry zero burdens of unspoken words.

*You join the millions of people who live lives of quiet desperation, the walking zombies. Terrified by their ability to speak up and make a difference.


The cost of not having the conversation is your life force and energetic flow, your well-being, and the well-being of the other.

If you cannot bear to continue in this way, then speak up.

Of course, there are ways of speaking to increase the likelihood of positive outcomes. We all need to be better communicators.

This is what we teach in the Dare to Care Workshop.

Or, if you prefer, I have written an ebook on Speaking the Truth. It provides the Seven Steps process to having this conversation in a way that serves the other. You can buy it here. For $20, it might save your life. (The ebook Speak the Truth is provided for no fee for Dare to Care participants. We will cover this material during the workshop.)


Chasm of the unspoken.

Little atrocity.

Dare to Care Workshop.

Speak the Truth ebook.