If you don’t ask the answer is no. How to ask for what you want

If you don’t ask the answer is no.

Ask.

Certainly approach the ask from a win-win-win. Not a me me me.

Why are we afraid of asking? What is the worst that can happen? They may say no?

Or is it more about any of the following…or any variation of the following

~being seen as demanding

~being experienced as egotistical

~being rejected

~putting someone out

Who are all these things about? You, or the person you are asking? Your rejection? You’re not wanting to be seen or experienced as demanding, egotistical, asking too much? Let me guess…it is almost always about you. And here is the problem.

How about we give the responsibility back to the person we are asking to be able to speak for themselves? To not give them this opportunity is a covert form of disrespect. So we play games, drop hints, and be circumspect. Instead of just asking straight.

Ask yourself the truth. Are you approaching the ‘ask’ from an egotistical, demanding, me-me-me place? If you have zero taint of any of these, then ask. If you reek of demanding, or ego…then go back to the drawing board and clean it up until you can ask and be completely OK with a no.

The deep feeling of rejection is always a red flag that we have given the person we are asking more authority over us than we have for ourselves.

Ask. Ask clean. Ask clear. Ask for a win-win-win. Repeat.