Preparing for the No – rejection, attachment, lack of self worth
Project about to launch…big build up, possibly years of work…
Reach out to people…heart on sleeve…sincere, real…everything on the line.
And the answer is NO.
Boom…it hits hard…so hard that often I do not open the email for ‘fear’ of the no. (It quite often ends up being a yes…that fear of rejection is a hard creature to shake)
Let’s unpack this reaction a little…
Mushed up in this reaction is a whole lot of stuff worth cleaning out.
1. Attachments to something…when we are attached to something, we are literally ‘attached’. Bound up. The thing we are attached to has become a part of our present or future identity. Yet the work of being human is the work of being sovereign…ie, not attached to anything other than the whole self.
2. Lack of self…some story that the other, the person we are asking, has some golden key to paradise…and that our life/project will not survive without this. Examine this forensically…it is rarely true. They may have a huge list of social media followers, a big pile of money in abundance…whatever…the truth is that if your project is worth it…it is bigger than any one person…any one list…and perhaps part of your process (it has been part of mine) is that you must find that you have everything you need, within you, already. And if not…the timing is not quite right.
3. Lack of self #2. The other doesn’t value us…or the project…and so it is outright rejection. And this might be true. Or partially true. They may like the project, but their plate is full…or like the project, and it is not aligned with their path…or like the project, and they are caught in their own project building space and simply do not have the space…or they may be missing the generous human spirit gene. And they may not like the project…big deal…they may not even like you…another big deal…revert to 1 or 2.
If you don’t ask, the answer is usually no. But before you ask…examine what it is you are really really asking for…excavate the truth of that.
Ask from clarity, alignment and truth…not some covert agenda…check in with your attachments and sense of self.
(Note to self…read this blog post regularly please)
No can mean a thousand things…not always no…so check the assumptions you make about the no as well.
Photo credit: Quentin Stafford-Fraser via Compfight
