I had to become the person able to be in relationship

Last week, my partner Tony and I celebrated our sixth anniversary of being together.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not have gratitude for our relationship. Overwhelming gratitude.

There are still moments I cannot believe it. Moments it feels like a dream. 

I witness other relationships, and I wish they could have what we have. The joy. The friendship that is the backbone of everything. The trust and respect. The love. The intimacy. The mutual support. The knowing Tony has my back and being, through and through and the confidence that provides. The adventures together. 

The conversations we have. And the laughter. Sometimes so hard my gut hurts. 

I also know that the path to this quality of relationship was forged through aching pain, on both sides. Confronting our issues and broken aspects. Living as solitary beings in order to excavate our self-respect and care.

I sensed the possibility of this type of love. But I did not know of its existence until I arrived within it. 

I had to become the person able to be in relationship. 

Given that we know well the tenuousness of life, we cherish every moment, every day. 

Our relationship is a gift, a practice, a commitment. We invest in it with loving attention, never allowing the ease of disconnection any space to take root.

As David Whyte, the poet, said, The Conversation is the Relationship. Lose the conversation and you lose the relationship.

This never happens in one big moment; it happens one little withdrawal, one little isolated refusal to speak at a time. 

Speak to the hard to be spoken. Speak to the fears. Speak to insecurities. Speak of it all with your love. Listen as they do the same. Give them all of your attention when they become vulnerable. Make the time for heartfelt, tenuous conversations.

It took a long time, but the path to my relationship with Tony was worth taking to arrive here.

Photo August 2nd 2025, Article published August 5th 2025