Thinking about resentment

Resentment – To feel pain and distress, to feel again, in turn.

Resentment is a spiral cycle. It feeds upon itself. If it were a food, it would be spikey, like nettles, and would taste off, but not enough to spit out. Because resentment brews and broods. 

I have been aware of my resentment towards a group of people, a resentment that has been long in me, yet only now am I ready to uproot it.

It is based in truth, for my resentment is toward those people, specifically men of high intellect, who get platformed again and again, to the dismissal of most others, including me.

Many of these men are good people. They often have worked hard for their platform. Their work is often genius. They share stages with others, just like them. And rarely question the inequity. It is just normal, the next code of history written after a few thousand years of men writing history.

It is the fish that cannot see water. Status quo. 

This is my resentment. Women, people of colour, women of colour, have to fight exponentially harder for oxygen. 

What I know is that being resentful is not even mildly helpful. It is just bitter and prickly. 

I have to find another emotion. I have to transform my resentment from the victim to power, which is a mind shift change, making the change possible.

That doesn’t mean I will not continue to call it out. It also doesn’t mean the situation will change much. This is an ongoing bias steeped in thousands of years of myth and patriarchy. 

But carrying resentment comes at a cost to me, not to the situation or system that underpins patriarchy.

I lose. The system remains the same.

My usual go-to is to build the alternative. Build the platforms, build the publishing companies, build the governance and legal structures that do not reinforce the status quo. Knowing that this is a long-term project, beyond my lifetime, yet one we must begin, acknowledging the thousands of people who began before me and you.

I let resentment swirl on my tongue. It diminishes me. It sits beside comparison, another nasty.

It is my choice to be resentful or to find solutions. 

Perhaps it is simple. To every man with a platform, find the woman who speaks with as much authority and experience on the same or similar topic, the person who stands in the shadow, unseen till now.

Turn on the light, raise the volume. 

Photo Taken August 26th 2022, Article published August 26th 2025