Contemplating Courage

It is one of those mornings. The ocean is like glass. The sky without clouds. The sun rising early, warm, summer’s heat revealing herself softly for now.

Hot coffee, Gang of Youths playing in the background. “Don’t stop, don’t stop believing, In truth, in grace, and in grieving.” 

A run already complete and a day of possibility before me.

I am so grateful. Incredibly lucky.

I think about courage. I think about decades searching, where courage was hard to find.

I think about being so beaten down that to choose to live towards the purpose I am clear now, finally, I was born for, makes courage unnecessary. 

Because there is no choice in the direction, my purpose, the intention. It is a YES without doubt, and fear of failure or death is past me now.

In my work finding courage happened in my 35-year apprenticeship. On this side of the threshold, I live in the sweet space between knowing, holding and emergence, the glorious dance. 

Where my courage is being shaped now is in my surfing. A new skill. Dropping off the top of a wave is where my courage fails me. 

To be a beginner. To have head overtake feeling, sensing, intention. The application of all of the skills learned over a life evident yet still escaping me as my mind scrambles.

Yet I know that with time, this too will change. I will reach a place where the wave and I and my board become one. 

Photo taken October 7th 2021