How to partner without anyone losing a single particle of their own light

Today is my beloved’s Birthday. 

Raised by a single mother, the middle of three children, Tony witnessed a woman who left an abusive marriage and worked long hard hours to feed and educate her children.

A single father himself at age 22, Tony has never shirked responsibility. 

His youth until mid teens was spent wild. Ocean, surfing, fishing, water. The elements of nature, the most glorious Univeristy of all. School something to be escaped from.

No male figure to guide, Tony figured it all out. How to fix things, make things, do things. The best person to have beside you when things go pear shaped.

From his mid teens he worked, apprenticing as a chef.

Learning by doing, buying, building up and selling seven businesses, being deceived, in business and love, the first thing I admired deeply about Tony is his absence of bitterness.

He is fully and completely at peace with the whiplashes and challenges his life’s path has presented. 

He has learned to move through the disappointment, regret and various losses with dignity and wisdom that is breathtaking to behold.

The second thing I deeply admired about Tony is his unwavering commitment to his two sons and his own siblings and mother. The choices he had made and the responsibility he had accepted at such a young age, and his grace of doing so, are rare, overstepped qualities that are sadly culturally dismissed as valuable in women and men.

And the third thing I admired about Tony is his ability to be with a strong, fiercely independent, often whip smart, sometimes completely ditsy, highly “formally” educated woman who was also a single mother.

Tony walks in his own skin with ease. He walks with integrity all the way to his bones. Absent any pretension, he is generous and kind, often bringing out the playful boy who makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

He has become my fierce protector. Unafraid to challenge me. Patient. Tender. Thoughtful.

He is the living demonstration of a man who can partner with a woman without anyone of the two losing a single particle of their own light.

Happy Birthday my love. Everyday I am grateful to my bones that we found each other.

Photo taken May 1st 2021

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