No one completes us

My first relationship lasted seven years, from age 14 to 21. I dated the equivalent of the high school jock. The cool guy. I was the nerd, buried deep into books and study and getting top scores in exams. He was the player, the party boy. I have no idea why he dated me. I never thought of it as a long-term relationship. When he proposed marriage and immediately confessed his multiple infidelities, of which I was completely unaware, I ended our relationship.

For most of my twenties and thirties, I was not really whole enough to have a quality relationship. I had not reached that place where I liked myself enough, respected and believed in myself enough to not supplicate myself to a man. That cultural conditioning about women’s roles was strongly baked in. There was no equal in any of my many relationships. 

At age forty-four, I decided to stop dating, stop looking, stop even considering. I made a vow, a vow – (see this article in the distinction between a wish, a promise, a commitment and a vow, https://syntropic.world/the-language-of-commitment-choose-wisely/) to focus on building a life for me, being happy in and of myself, as myself, no need for an extra to ‘complete me.’ I determined that I would live a happy life, and that if, in the course of living my happy life, I met someone, so be it. I did not look up or around the room searching, seeking.

My daughter and I frequented a coffee shop overlooking the Pacific Ocean. We were there every early morning, from 6 AM. For at least five years or more. One day, we both started chatting to a man who also started frequenting the coffee shop, following his bike ride. I couldn’t remember his name at first. Often, he would spend more time talking to my daughter, while I wrote this blog. 

Over about 8 months, for neither of us knew when exactly we first started chatting, we became friends. I respected him highly. He was generous, thoughtful, considerate, intelligent, and across global affairs. But I never thought of him as anything other than Tony from the coffee shop.

Until one day that changed. That one day was seven years ago today. 

Tony is my best friend, my companion, my adventure buddy, my playmate, my surf coach, my lover, my co-chef, my listening buddy, my sanity, and my steady presence who keeps me grounded. 

I never really knew what love was, or what it is capable of. I never knew the profound and life-changing experience of knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that someone had your back, no matter what. That we are a team and partnership, in every possible way.

It took thirteen years to get myself to the place where I was ready to truly be in partnership.

An investment in my future that I recommend. Worth more than words, money, time, or experience can possibly count. 

We are so impatient for love. To have another love us. The poets know the truth. To be loved begins, always, with falling in love with self. 

No one else completes us. We complete us, and then partner with others who are also complete.

Seven beautiful, amazing years. Worth all the broken-hearted scars to be able to co-create a relationship of this quality and integrity.

Published July 31st 2026. Photo taken July 31st 2023