I had to let go to see

What is my relationship to the unknown?

How comfortable am I sitting on the precipice of the emergent?

Am I able to stand in the tension of uncertainty? And if so, for how long?

How much is my life trapped by an identity that no longer fits?

I ask these questions this morning, knowing that my willingness to continue to live in the tension of the unknown is the very element that keeps life unfolding…that the moment I stop and insist on sameness, security, stability, certainty, this is the moment I begin to die fast.

That to continue to engage with the emergent future means I must continue to place myself right into the path of discomfort, the novice state, the beginner’s mind. Always learning.

And the fabric that holds this all together is the simple structures of my life. Structures that can be transported and enacted in any place around the world. A good night’s sleep, running or moving my body hard every day, choosing to eat live food, soulful conversations with myself, with my beloveds and with strangers. Reading and journaling. Daily being present to beauty.

What most of us hold so close to…our income, our identity, our title and status and relational position…our stuff…(house, car, things…)…our bank account…these are false gods of security. In a moment, they can be gone. Often we need to orchestrate their loss, against our external desires, so we can begin to truly live. 

Real security comes with knowing who you are when you are on the precipice, that in that moment a thousand arms are supporting you, and a lifetime of gathering of wisdom, knowledge and skill…and in that moment you have the capacity to lean towards your future that has always been waiting for you.

In my dreams, I see an image of the crone…weathered skin, grey hair…leaning over a vast tapestry, weaving.

Ahh, I realise…that is me…and she is so beautifully weaving the threads of my entire life. They have always been there for the looking, these threads…But I had to let go to see.

Written June 10th 2015. I am a decade closer to the crone now, and she continues to weave the threads of my life from her future knowing. Every day I am richer in all things, happier than I have ever been, and stronger in my “I do not give a fu**ck about what people think of me.

Photo Taken February 27th 2024, Article published August 13th 2025