Kairos Time – perfect time may never feel perfect. A personal story

(Kairos Time refers to an ancient Greek word (Kairos) meaning the right or opportune moment.)

Life is such a grand adventure. Only a month ago, I was in a serious internal question about what the heck I was doing wrong? It had felt like nothing was coming easily.

During this time of winter, I said yes to any work, with gratitude. Paid or not paid…just to be able to do what I do well and to throw myself out to service, with trust. (This is not to say that trust was always present. Many times I doubted, and fear and scarcity were walking with me, even as I begged them to leave.)

Up until 1 month ago, I felt that the doors to the Universe were still closed. There was no flow. I was standing outside the stream, watching it flow right by me.

“What am I doing wrong?” I beseeched the heavens?

“And then finally…”What is this all about?”

“Endurance!” was the answer. “Oh…endurance”, I said. I know endurance well. I have spent the last 21 years of my life in the daily practice of endurance sport. And I seem to have a natural talent for it. So I wrote the article on Endurance.

And at about the same time, doors started to open. Something shifted. I was back in the flow. I do believe that this was not about where my mind was, but rather that this timing, what is called Kairos time. Heavenly time. It’s the timing stuff we need to surrender to.

Retrospection is a wonderful thing. It makes the paradoxical, irrational, and unreasonable make some form of sense. I am someone who likes to make sense of things. Most of us like to have some idea of just where we are on the map. Which way is north? During these past months, my compass was working as if I were living at one of the poles; north was everywhere and anywhere. Unfixed. Moved with every step. Very discombobulating.

And such great training too, as the qualities I believe we need to get us through the current times include the ability to throw all the cards in the air and have them stay in the air. To be comfortable in the most uncomfortable of places, uncertainty. Phew, what a practice is this one, especially for an orderly Virgoan.

Kairos time kicked in, and the doors I had been knocking on for years seemed to be opening.

Of course! It could only be this way. We don’t need faith and trust when the bounty of life overflows on our lap. It’s when the cupboards are bare and there is no sign of spring that faith is required. And always, through good and bad, practice and self-discipline. (disciple unto the self) are required.

For years, I have been working away, building my skills. Always learning, doing the inner work. Never shirking. I have made many mistakes, the biggest of which has been getting caught up in other people’s journeys and comparing them to mine, making mine wrong or less than theirs. So strange, really, because in my sport, I gave that silly little practice up long ago. Decided that the only race I had any control over was my own, so I might as well focus on that. And that my race would go just as it does on the day. Some days are spectacular, some days are average, and some days are frankly hard from the first step. That the mind component is only a part of the equation, albeit a significant part. The prework and training, experience, and self-care all contribute. And that there is this other mysterious piece, over which we have no control.

This thing I call Kairos time. Not a moment too soon, not a moment too late. I do believe there is some divine music playing that knows intrinsically when the melody peaks to crescendo, or falls into long spaces and darkness.

Listening to Caroline Myss over the weekend, she said it another way. We have to have done our time before we have the right to teach and work in the realm of the mystics.

I have done my time. I know it now. I did not know it a month ago. I was still in my wanting mind, comparing myself to others, doubting myself and the divine order. Finally, I let go. Of course, that was what was needed. To really let go and let Spirit. To no longer need or want to be OK with who I am, just as I am OK with my running ability.

And of course, as Kairos time would have it, the doors then opened. I can see Spirit laughing at the paradox of it all. How else would I learn trust, patience, endurance and surrender? It is so perfect it can only be funny.

Let’s drink to Kairos time….